Benumbed

' You dont lose something you never had'...this line cropped up in my mind, troubling me instead of comforting me.
It sent a chill down my spine and a piercing pain into my heart.

Perusing through the writings for a loved one , i suddenly had this premonition that i may lose him.He may no longer be a part of my life.Thats when this thought cropped up 'You don't lose something you never had'.

Have, Had? Is it the same as 'owning' something?The dictionary does uses words like acquire,possess,procure, occupy,own,get,hold.This does sound like something could ' belong to you'. But it also uses words like enjoy,accept,teem with!
While the former descriptions sounds abominable, the latter sounds nice, kind and gentle.

I was more confuse than ever.

So what is to 'lose'? What does one mean by 'losing'? Do you just lose or do you lose something?I am sure they do not mean the same thing.
Well, to my physical-education teacher 'to lose' would mean you failed to win,you have become poorer than what you already are in mind, body and spirit.
To a philosopher losing would mean 'another stepping stone to success'.
My pastor would say 'losing means the time is not right for you to excel.In God's time, it will happen'.
To my mom, 'losing is an opportunity for you to be kind to another being who needed something more than you do'.

Well its not a very pleasing subject to ponder upon.
A part of me despises myself for coming up with such thoughts.
Its strange that such a thought even ocurred. I have always believed that i am made of stronger straw and i do not 'belong to or associate with' ....
Is it just a facade?
I am chill to my bone...