Kaleidoscope

Bits & pieces of me....

Of heroes & lessons

When all is stripped away, we look within our hearts.

While this is a typical human retreat, it could be a relevation of something as cryptic as what made you who you are now. Would you bleed when pinced or would you counteract, would you smile or cry with happiness...

I don't have an idol nor an ideal. But i have come across heroes, ate with them,sup with them,withnessed their lives, and their simple acts of living, have helped shaped me for what i am today.

'Mei Emma'-the most dedicated mother ever.She was my governess till i was 10 years old.I was the apple of her eye;i was her weakness too.I recall , to my detriment she would rather support me, even if i had wronged my sister .She provided that critical security required in the formative years of a child, that when she finally passed away, i did not even blink!

That's the strength of true love...it lives on.

I saw how the struggles and the daily-grind of his 20 years as a coolie,has etched on his face, lines of prudence and humility.He did his task with deligence,making it all look so easy and effortless, despite his limping and his old-aged.In the hury and bury of the Guwahati railway station, my folks missed out on giving him his well-earned wage.His face, his thoughts has resided in my mind for many years now.He has kept me sane and humane.He helped me think before i disregard another being because of his vocation or social-standing.

Nine luggages and no reservation, i was stranded at Kathgodam railway station.With a general class ticket on my hand,i was helpless.How was i suppose to get into the general compartment with nine baggages,in the rush?Well, angels do exist.Out of no-where, this young nondescript lad turned up, took my luggages, shoved them inside the train boggie and got me a seat. Bewildered as i was, i was thankful.I found myslef lodge in a compartment full of men-folks, wooden seats and the thought of having a night's rest, just flew out the window.Against my will, i nodded off to sleep, only to find my head resting on the lad's shoulder in the wee morning hours.He assured me not to worry and eventually he even made sure i arrived safely in Delhi.

I have not forgotten you Arjun.Your thoughtfulness have made me a better person more than you'd ever know.

Little acts like these by strangers i have met in my journey so far;

their stories shared in words and seen through their eyes;

Have definitely shaped my outlook.

There are many more stories to be told of refined individuals, living ordinary lives who have become my heroes through the years...

I hope i lived long enough to tell their stories.

For now all i could do or say...is hope that

'In my life, you are lifted up.

In my world, you are lifted up.

In my prayers, you are lifted up.'

No Doubt (This is what keeps me going...)

There is a time to take a reckless leap of faith,
There is a time to be cautious and wait.
And there's a way of learning from the past,
That the time of trouble won't last.

And sometimes we want to think we know,
the way He will chose to make us grow.
But its never the way of our chosing,
And we can't always see what He is using.

No doubt, it will be alright
With God, it will all work together for good.
No doubt in the end it will be understood.

There will be winters in the seasons of our souls,
With the cold and bitter wind that chills our lives;
But our faith can be building a fire,
That will warm us till springtime arrives.

...Cruise...

2 years has just blitzed by me...

So my reflective mood is understandable.
Cilche as it sounds, i have come a long way since 14 Feb, 2005.

That direly morning, in pitch darkness the bike went out of control and bam!, my head took the heaviest physical beating ever.
Its suffice to say, it beat the living daylights out of my loved ones. As i stayed unconcious on the hospital bed, they were in angst.

As i opened my eyes, dazed, unable to comprehend what is happening around me--That's when my 'real living' started.

Its an understatement to say that i was like a zombie.As i was recuperating, i was trying to bring back a semblance into my mind (a task not made easy, as my head chose to play a rigmarole,inducing excruciating pain).I was wondering, how did this happen,why did it all happen, what happens next, what has broken and how was i suppose to pick up the pieces??

Slowly, life got back into so called normality.
It wasn't easy.There were a lot of emotions gone awry, and in the midst of trying to set things straight, i lost more that what i had bargain for.Yes, it brought up a huge wall between me and my best-friend.Our friendship was in pieces. But hey, at the same time, i gained more that what i had ever dreamed of.I met and gained a friend,a comforter,a soul-mate, and if fate permits-a life time companion.
Looking back,it feels sadistic that 'one man's lost is another man's gain' or is it 'you lose some, you gain some'???

Well student life finally came to an end.We moved on in the hope of building a career for ourselves.With the Almighty's grace, i landed myself in a good job with a handsome deal, in one of the leading life-insurance companies.I was looking forward to a career in Pune city, when fate decided otherwise.I was posted to Siliguri,a small town in the East of India.Needless to say, but i was deeply dissapointed.

My experience in Siliguri did not last long as i chose to quit,believing i could do better.But the experience did give me a taste of the mundane office-work;the unavoidable office politics;the person who smiles with you, is not necessarily your supporter;and i saw how the indian work culture does not bow down to any foreign work-etiquettes.

Back in Pune, i was on the job hunt.But atlast, with the inspiration from my friend, i moved to Bangalore in search of better pastures (maybe this city-hopping is an inherent trait of our so called nomadic ancestors :) )
Yeah, rightly said that if 'one door closses, another one opens up'. So there i was learning the ropes again, working with Oracle.Next time someone tells you, education is important, for your own good, don't take it as your Bible.Because what you do in your job, is a re-engineering of whatever was taught to you rather an application of what you had learnt.
By then i was a seasoned player in the job world.
As pompous as i may sound, i knew what i wanted, what fires me up, what am good at, and what makes me sleep with a smile at the end of a hard day at work.

So, am happily settled now with Ariba Technologies.
Learning and applying what i learned, has never been more exciting.

Three jobs in a matter of one and a half years, broken and rebuilt relations,losing some-winning others,beliefs shaken-beliefs strengthen,love lost-love gain, giving in to drawing the line, cuppachino to coffee mocha...

Yes, i am alive...
and am living it...


Some questions still remain unanswerd...and i don't know if they will ever be...

It is safe to say, am geared up...excited to see what fate throws my way. Whatever comes, whatever happens, i sure do hope that i will be wearing my head upon my shoulders, and my heart upon my sleeves :)

Yes i am not afraid to love

The Rose

by Amanda McBrooom from the soundtrack to "The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river

that drowns the tender reed.

Some say love, it is a razor

that leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love, it is a hunger,

an endless aching need.

I say love, it is a flower,

and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking

that never learns to dance.

It's the dream afraid of waking

that never takes the chance.I

t's the one who won't be taken,

who cannot seem to give,

and the soul afraid of dyin'

that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely

and the road has been to long,

and you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong,j

ust remember in the winter

far beneath the bitter snows

lies the seed that with the sun's love

in the spring becomes the rose.

Put your house in order first...

The news seems to blaze each and every news channel for weeks now ...

It has been and still is the hot topic of discussion whether its CNN-IBN or NDTV or BBC ...Oh, lets not forget the vernacular news channels.

India's dignity was shredded... an ignorant britisher passed some comments on the eating style of a indian bollywood star. This screams racism!!

The Bristish media and the House of Commons was quick to condemn it.

The world was quick to condemn it.

Back home, in India, protests broke out everywhere.Indians all over were quick to retaliate against so called racism.The communal riots in Bangalore and Mumbai was forgotten in the noise,lost in the hue and cry-'how can anyone criticized the Indian life-style'. For that one second in donkey's years, Indians at home and all over the world unite in one voice.

Strange, that we are ready to raise heaven and hell because a foreigner, alien to our culture, in her lack of wisdom, questioned the eating style of our Indian sister;Will we do the the same if an Indian says the same thing to an Indian brother?

I am from the unobtrusive picturesque land of Shillong, in Meghalaya.W e are part of a group of people addressed as the "north-easterners' by the mainstream Indian. I used the word 'mainstream' not to be offensive but to bring out the stark irony we live in.The North-Eastern people have always been looked at with what i called 'the jaundice eye'.Yes, our culture is different from the gujurati's of western india, or the kannadigas of southern india, or even the kumaoni's of north india.But in the midst of our differences, the bottomline is we are Indians.

We are a group of people protective about our cultural roots but also gifted with a sense of humour. Often we have been teased on our looks ( addressed as chinkies), our food, our life-styles.We take it all in our stride. We laugh along with the rest of India.Ask me, i can relate many such stories.Infact, by laughing along with such jokes passed in good-spirits, it became an ice-breaker and i have formed many long-lasting friendships.

But all is not spic and span.

Sometimes, the merry-jokes crosses the limits of proprietary.

Our hands our tied. We cannot retaliate. We are out-numbered.

The hot-headed or the valiant amongst us who dares to raise our voice, only end up 'digging graves for ourselves'.We cannot expect to strive socially and in our professions if we don't 'grin and bear'.

I wonder if this is not racism?

I am sure this is not an issue that only the so called 'chinkies' faces. The gujjus, the mallus ,the biharis etc must be going through the same ordeal.

Oh yes, you say this is inevitable. Afterall we live in India where people of varied cultures live and strive. It is only natural that such differences arises.

True.

But, before we set the world in order, why don't we set our country in order?

Before we point a finger at a person alien to our Indian culture, why don't we embrace our differences first?

Atlast, one can only sigh and say ' It is all but a comedy of errors'.

(Disclaimer: This article is not meant to scandalise your senses and defintely not meant to offend anyone (truth is hard to swallow??). It is not a denial that racism does not exist in our society.It actually show how anesthetize we all are.Ofcourse,there are bigger problems out there. But i surely hope we do not lose our humanity in the process)

Happy Zone

I took an off from work today.
Thought, what is the harm in chilling out by my own? (Of-course, in the comfy of my apartment).
I was almost successful, except for a call from office demanding me to get online and on the phone for a meeting. Sigh, who ever said freedom is our right :)

Anyways, I was cheered up by a feel-good movie called ‘Kate and Leopolt’. Made me come to terms with my girlish dreams and fantasies again. Oh yeah, it was a make-believe movie but it made me feel alive again! So what the heck!

Its every girl’s dream that a knight or a gentleman (as mentioned in old Barbara Cartland romantic novels) appears in a white majestic horse, scoops her up or mounts her in to the horse with him, and they both ride away into the horizon. Whew, just the thought of it, makes me melt.

Yes it’s every girl’s dream. Even the fast paced, career-driven woman sometimes loses herself in that wish. Even the most brusque, matter-of-fact, tyrannical head-mistress has a soft spot.

A woman develops a defense mechanism around her as she dealt with the cards life throws at her. Often, her attention being taken over by survival instinct; the soft, gentle, safe-zone of her fantasies get bulldoze into the background.

Its moments like this- watching a movie and getting lost in its character, which brings back the softer side.
It brings back the saner side of life. Yes, its an irony that a fantasy can do that!

And you know what? When you come out of the fantasy, you are not remorseful because reality strikes back. You are actually rejuvenated!

Who needs shrinks or counselors when one can just get lost into your fantasies and come back with a bounce!