I look up and i see..

It’s been a month since I stepped on Big brother’s backyard. Caught in the whirlwind of activities, today I could relax my mind and finally pen down what’s been churning, stirring, boiling, and now ready to spill over. Wow, I have managed to make myself sound no less than a busybody ;-)


The US of A, it’s all what I imagined it to be and all what I never thought it could be.

Have you ever walked into Landmark store at forum, Bangalore, looking for a specific book? All you got to do is walk over to the right section and voila, you find your book right there (if you don’t, then they don’t have it). That’s in a nutshell US of A for you. Just like everything is aligned in neatly arranged racks, everything here follows an unwritten law of ‘spick and span’.

It’s a different world indeed from the charming haphazardness of our Indian cities. While in India, the drivers define the road-laws, here the pedestrian rules. Cars would stop for you to cross the road. This back home, is the privilege of the netas only. Lol

Watching TV here would put away all your doubts on why a Television is called an ‘Idiot Box’. The shows are interactive and fun, no doubt, but you can’t help but smile at the idiosyncrasy of the culture here. It’s all about gorging not just the best of rich foods, but also gorging on every luxury possible. This is followed by the ‘fire extinguishers’ like diet plans, diet pills, and insurances against an accident to a heart disease to a broken knee to whatever possible under the sun.

Just sit for half an hour before your television set and you’ll see what I am talking about. The 5 minutes advertisements on intervals, are of the following chronological order:
1. Ads on the best steaks, best burgers, best pizzas available
2. Ads on the best diet plans, best customized diet recipes, best diet pills-available over the counter
3. Ads of the A to Z insurances available; just sign the paper, pay and you are insured.

Yes amidst the orderliness, you can see the chaos in a people gone wrong with the basics. A paradox, an oddity.

There is one thing that is endearing about this nation.
They have a heart to reach out to the less privilege, and they are not shy about it. There are specific channels that dedicate themselves to social uplift-ment of the less privilege in wealth, in health, in basic amenities, in opportunities. Every public place you go to, every organization, every public transport brace the presence of wheelchair driven, specially challenged, and old-aged citizens; therewith providing the necessary facilities. There is an implicit message that amidst the perpetual inequality in class, race, wealth, choices, there is always HOPE. Yeah, to this I say, God bless America.

My sojourn here has not ended….

The emotions I expressed in this article are my first impressions of this land. I am eager to explore more, to see more, to discover what is behind the facade (if any), to know and to relish.

One thing I know for sure, that the chord which binds humans across ‘man-made’ differences exists.


I look up and I see we are…

Underneath the same sun… we are all just nameless dots.

Deliverance ??

I was on my knees, hands folded, staring at the blank wall.
In the distance I could hear Shania crooning ‘find your self esteem and be forever free to dream’.

Far-reaching were her words, but somehow I was no closer to an answer.
Tomorrow I would change, and today would not mean a thing.

I looked at me and I see a child and a mother.
At times I’m a sinner, now and then a saint.
I can be your dream, but I chose to be unworthy.
I have faith in the triumph of goodness, over evil;
But I succumbed without a fight to iniquity.

And, they still look at me like am an angel underneath.

Am I to be ashamed?

Can we just fast forward a few years later,
Can I just wash my hands clean and walk away;
Can I just wrap this part of me as history and sweep it under a rug,
Will my memory be so selective, as to never bring up this side of me ever again?

I know what I really want.
I want some patience, I need deliverance.
I want to make sense of the conflicts, the craziness in silence.
If there could only be a kindred soul who would catch this drift;
Cause I am so strung out and sapped.

I woke up this morning, with a new song.
My heart felt lighter, for reasons I fail to understand.
There was buoyancy in my gait, and a fresh whiff in the air.
Perplexed, I am over this turn of emotions;
I’m still trying to embrace this reversal of my sentiments.

Pray what did happened between the time I closed and opened my eyes?
Did the Maker intercede? Did he send his seraphs to whisper in my dreams?
It must be so.
For somehow, I feel so much better.

Not Yet Home....

It’s midnight. I find myself walking in circles in the terrace.
Under the serene starry night, I can hear the rustling of the leaves of the coconut tree, the distant beckoning sound of a train, the screeching of an R1 bike as it comes to a halt…

Yes, they are sights and sounds of a city life.

As soothing as the night sky and the cool breeze is, my mind refuses to breathe easy. It is wandering arbitrarily, with no sense of purpose, no direction.

The far off running train is seductively enticing me to that place call home. Somewhere in my sub conscience, I can hear the soft tunes of a celebrated song call ‘Home’ … resonating.

‘I'm going home,Back to the place where I belong,And where your love has always been enough for me.I'm not running from.No, I think you got me all wrong.I don't regret this life chose for me.But these places and these faces are getting oldSo I'm going home.Well I'm going home…’

Home!

The tiny word brings up such tenderness in ones heart, its as if one was touched and deeply moved.

But Why?

When we speak of home, we often understood it as a place, an abode where our family resides. It brings up a feeling of being connected or something you identify with.

Its absolutely right.

However, is that it? Are family ties, unconditional love, acceptance all that is to Home?

I would like to think not.
I would rather have a far more definitive, complete, concluding, conclusive, nailed down understanding of Home.

I know I am home, when I have arrived.

Right now, am still a wayfarer who most often than not, hitch hike on rides, rub shoulders with fellow travellers, at times uplifted-at times crestfallen by their stories, touched by the ordinary, awed by the miracles, learning, observing, discovering, inspired, heart-broken, and still far from having arrived.

I have not taken the first step towards Home yet.

I am yet to discover myself.

26 years, educational qualifications, a pretty job, an equally good life does not mean I know anything about myself.
Yes, its pretty scary.
No wonder am circling this terrace!

But hey, I do know one thing though… I am curious to learn. And, that will suffice for now.

I got a long way to go. One day, I’ll stop walking in circles.
I’ll be Home.
Amen to that.

A Blunder

I love watching the sit-coms in star world. Whether it’s in the genre of ‘The Simpsons’ and ‘My wife and kids, or the professional goof ups, angst, gaffes, relation-ships, comedy-of-life in ‘ 30 Rock’ and ‘Grey’s anatomy’.

Oh the saga of sit-coms , does not end here. The list is long but we’ll stick to these to be ‘in context’.

Whether its Homer Simpson and his endless faux pas, or Liz and her continual retreat from ‘herself’; aren’t they more or less a reflection of ourselves?

Society in the reel-world, look at such characters with either pity or sympathy, and most often than not, with disdain. Well, isn’t this a miniature replica of society in the real world?


Homer Simpson ‘ eats up his feelings’. I mean literally.
And am no different!
Succumbing to an extra plate of noodles in one of my low phases; the ‘strings of fried-flour’ might as well cover the hole in my soul.

Liz Lemon’s life revolves around the lives of her stick-in-the-ass boss, her neurotic best friend, the monkeyshines of Tracy-the TV star. In short, she was fixing everybody’s life but her own!
And here I am tearing off my hair in dilemma, embroiling myself in the lives and problems of others.

And the icing in the cake is that, watching these sit-coms is one of my great-escapes!

I am one heck of a Social Blunder :)