Wake up Corr!

3:30 am, awake in Bangalore city, alone, working into the wee hours of the morning.
Lately it’s become a routine.


No, I am not in office.


I am in the confines of my bedroom, sitting in bed, propped up by pillows, cradling the laptop on my lap (how apt!), trouble-shooting reported bugs, responding to queries from my counterparts in the US.
While it’s the dawn of my today, for them it’s the evening of my yesterday.


Most nights it’s quiet. I work in silence. Sometimes, an imaginary ghost does send a chill down my spine; that is, if I allow my mind to wander.


Sometimes, a sense of loneliness takes me by surprise. Its coldness brings up a charge of tears.


At other times, your mind gets lost in thoughts of someone dear. It’s ironic that in such moments of melancholic silence, that one person who swore to be by your side is out of sight.


My cell phone lies beside me. I yearn to pick it up and make a call, nip the misery and solitude at the bud. But realization sets in.


There was a time when you could call a friend anytime, anyplace, whether in sunshine or amidst a storm. Now, I can only remember those bygone years.


Today, it’s selfish to expect, it’s impolite to visit without having made an appointment first. People are wary to commit because of the fear of expectations. Give me your time, give me your love, but please don’t expect the same. That’s the mantra.


The other day I read a quote which said:


‘The worst in life is ‘attachment’. It hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is ‘loneliness’ because it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you get everything’.


Whoever came up with this must have had it real bad, to come up with such an over-stretched, trying hard to make it sound good statement.


But alas, it’s an undeniable truth. We are a generation 24/7 connected (cell phones, internet, gizmos and all sorts of gadgets, what have we not?). But emotionally, we are disconnected from oneself, from our peers and those who matter. Emotionally bankrupt, we are.




It’s raining outside.
I can hear the pitter patter of the raindrops, the swishing sounds of the leaves as they sway in the breeze.


Likewise, my mind wanders.


How did I get to where I am now?
At the beck and call of a job, when did work-life balance go so askew?
Putting my priorities in the wrong set of things, wrong set of people, is like feeding my pearls to pigs.
Bad food, bad habits, less sleep, no exercise, we all started out swearing we wouldn’t succumb. Scattering and unaligned priorities, in the blink of an eye, we’ve fallen hook line and sinker into a pitiable lifestyle.


Ting!
There goes the email alarm in my outlook inbox.


It’s 4:15am.
Another query to answer, electronically!


I’ll do that and then maybe my laptop would crash and I’ll catch my Zzzz’s.


No worries.
I am not yet at the point of no return.


I can still swing my life around. Right back up, to where it belongs!


To where I belong…