Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Back to Square One

For as long as I can remember, I have always been more 'gifted in proportion’ than my sibling or my kit and kin.
I was the apple of everybody’s eye.
The cute chubby baby, who grew up so fast.

Apart from teasing me by pulling my cheeks; biting into my arms; making me stand on one foot in the palm of their hands; challenging me to prove my love by not giggling ,when they tickle me;
just almost everybody , especially my aunts and uncles liked to feed me:)

From being a chubby baby, it become ‘baby-fat teen'. Till my early teens, it was still plain-sailing.

College years- That’s when all hell broke lose.

The baby fat is no fad at all. Being fat or even being slightly overweight ( to put it mildly ), was no less than disgusting, loathsome, repulsive to the aesthetic sense, and spells out an ‘unkempt’ personality.

That’s when my battle against the bulge begun.

Fortunately, I was an active kid and thus, a sports crazy teen. I was into basketball (maybe to the eye, I looked like one myself), volley-ball, TT, tennis, discuss-throw, shot-put and even for sometime I resorted to football with the guys.

Innumerable times I had missed the school-bus cause I was late from soccer practice.
In fourth standard, my grades suffered.
Hanging out with the soccer gang, my vocabulary turned colorful. It forced my mom to use the stick.

But all was in Vain. I never became a ‘Perfect 10’.

Then I turned to the gym. Since a gym-membership would burn a hole in my parents’ pocket, I used the homegrown gym of some of my health –freaks friends. In their limited wisdom, they taught me ‘weight training’ and I ended up looking like a baby-female- ArnoldJ
Still I carried the look with as much grace as possible.

In my 12th standard, the pursuit of academics was a priority. So for sometime, sporting activities disappeared from my itinerary.

Degree years came along. The lively spirit of my friend Pooja and the ‘call of the fields’ more enticing than a ‘mechanics session’ in the classroom, I was back. Pooja and I, woke up two of our 4th year seniors daily every dawn; and forced them at gunshot, to teach us the trick of the trade, in Lawn Tennis.

But I remain the same. The same healthy, full-figured, comely lass, who hid behind a boyish demeanor.

By then I had given up all hopes that ‘being active is the answer to a fit and thin frame’. When I hear or read so called exercise gurus and nutritionists, I casually look away. To me what they say is just passing fads. Today they say something, tomorrow they mouth something else. Today a banana is a source of good nutrition; tomorrow it’s bad for slimming.

In no time I became financially independent. I could afford gym-membership. But, I was no longer a believer.

The marketing efforts of VLCC managed to catch my interest.. Yes, I was duped. I paid them a fortune for telling me what to eat ( I am more of an expert on nutrition than their nutritionists);and for wrapping me with a vibrating belt to make me sweat!

By this time, I have lost all faith on what is called ‘the done-thing’.

It took a nice gentleman, whose breakfast shop I frequented, in the by-lanes of Coles Road, Bangalore, to make me laugh it all out. He jolted my senses when he said, ‘You look the way you feel. Skipping mayonnaise or an egg sandwich does not increase your worth. My wife skips dinner or lunch just like u. It doesn’t matter to me how she looks then and how she looks now. She remains beautiful to me’. Sweet, touchy and romantic. That gentleman made my day.
Moral of the story is: I am back to where I began. But, with a different outlook…

I avail the office gym to beat the sedentary life-style, the lethargy, to make my heart younger and my mind smarter.
The ‘Perfect 10’ is now a distant memory.

I have never been more at peace or happier.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Destiny's Child

I asked for happiness, reassurance, wealth, comfort, success and a purpose.
I sought for meaning.
But, there is one thing I never asked for.
I did not seek for love.
Yet, it found me.


In the giving and partaking of this selfless- healing- edifying, affection, I have discovered myself, evolve and felt fulfilled.
I know not what lies ahead.

The important thing is I feel like the ‘Chosen-One’.
When I look at all the signs; I am able to arrive at only one conclusion.

To be so blessed and yet so indecisive,
Only goes to confirm my sanctification or consecration.
Shalom reigns :-)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Beginning Of Always

I have heard of this so many times.
I have listened to innumerable reasons, why not to take the walk.
I have almost been taken in by it all.

We read so much about it in the media.
Every Sunday read, there is always a section on it.
The central theme has always been how the two poles don’t ever meet.
One of the #1 Best Sellers is ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus’.

For some, they follow the adage ‘once bitten, twice shy’.
For others, it’s just a chosen way of life.
But the rest, are just ‘chickened out’.

The last time I was home, we celebrated my grandparents 50 years of marriage.
The best times spent with them, for as long as I can remember, were those when they were engaged in a seemingly never-ending debate with each other.

Grandma, the more controlling between them would disagree or rebuff everything my grandpa said or did. She rarely wears a pleasant expression when he was nearby.

When he says, ‘Yet (that’s my pet name), get up early tomorrow because we are going fishing ’. That was music to my ears. Grandma knew that I have wanted to accompany them on their fishing trips. Though, happy for me, she would say to me within grandpa’s earshot, ‘Early? You don’t have to get up early. Don’t listen to him. Just get up by 5:30am’.That was just to spite on my grandpa. My sister and I could not help smiling at their shenanigans.


Oh, those winter nights after dinner, when the whole family sat together around the fireplace, chit-chatting, having ‘kwai’ (betel-nut, also known as pan), are still so vivid in my memories. Grandpa and grandma was our centre of attraction. They were at their best ‘dueling’ spirits, trying to get the better of each other.

Through the years, age caught on grandma earlier than grandpa. She soon was confined to the bed. Where was grandpa? He was on the nearby bed, regaling her with his escapades. He likes to brag how he climbed up the orange tree that day, how he saved the cat from getting stuck in the drainage pipe. Grandma would tell him to shut up, pretended she was sleeping but the second any of us walked into their room, she was wide awake again.

Now age got its hold on grandpa too. So he is confined to a bed like grandma, in the same room. When we feed them lunch or dinner, prayer of thanks would first be offered. Grandpa always did the honors. Along with all of us, grandma would close her eyes as grandpa begins to say the prayer. But while grandpa was half way through the prayer, grandma would have already started on her food.:-))


Amidst all this differences in opinions, amidst all the drama, when you looked into their eyes, there is a connection that is hard to define. It radiates a warm and peaceful feeling all around.

My grandparents are heroes.
They took a step which a thousand so called X-generation guys of today, dare not take.
On the assumption that relationships end after marriage, on the argument that marriage is a compromise, they shirk away from it. They are proud to wear the ‘commitment-shy’ tag.
Let us not be politically correct. Let us call a spade what it is. We who fear at even the sense of the word ‘marriage’ are nothing less than ‘Cowards’.

I salute every parent.
They took a chance and believe in the possible.
When they walked down the isle, with hope in their hearts, with faith as their guide, they knew that this was ‘the Beginning Of Always’.

Fragile Glass

This is a story. A story that breaks my heart till date

Circumstances can play a trick with your emotions and walk away guilt free.
On looking back,you know you were salvaged from what was not yours to keep.

She was a simple,kind-hearted girl.She looked at life through a coloured glass; with arms outstretched,willing to accomodate anyone who seeks a friend.

He was a fun-loving boy,often seen with the 'newsmakers' of the campus; oh yes, dont forget the fairer sex:-), serenading them was his forte.

Need brought them together.

Her need for recognition,for a platform to express herself and his need for a sounding board,a primum mobile, brought them together.
Eventually they became the best of friends.

There was not a single day they did not have lunch and dinner together;not a single 'spiritual' topic they haven't explored; they ripped apart their religious beliefs and rebuilt them;they beat the midnight oil together. They were a pair to be reckoned with ,in classrooms and in gatherings;she listened to his choice of music,and grew to like it;he started reading her kind of books. To the wee hours of the morning they would digress,on every topic under the sun.
They made plans together, saw 'incredible' dreams together.

One fine day, fate takes its course.
It shook their boat of blissful contentment.

She fell from a moving vehicle, broke her crown,fought back from the jaws of death. She won the battle, but the war was still on. She needed to restart from where she had left,get on with the call of life..

While she was recovering, he had his own battle. He felt as if something had snap away from his life. He made new friends,wallow in self-pity and pondered 'what if he could turn back time'. He would do anything to freeze time,take him back to the sunny days. And so he continued living.

Yet they were not in love with each other.Rather,their relationship was quixotic or platonic.

If there was any love between them, it was need-based.

I can only Imagine

A Song for me...
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face Is before me
I can only imagine
[Chorus]:
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
(courtesy: Michael W Smith)

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