It was one of those seemingly endless team meetings. You inevitably get lost in the humdrum of verbal exchanges that sounds like an old record.
My eyes turned to my laptop and I saw a message blinking on my skype. It was a message from my colleague.
The message read ‘Y U FROWNING.U have an angry expression on your face from 2 days’.
I was taken aback, though it somehow made me smile. How very observant of my team-mate to notice something so minor.
But yeah, I would have to give him credit for seeming to care, while I give myself a kick for being so obvious!
We all wear masks, daily. Especially while dealing with the outside world.
What happened to mine? When did I lose it? Rather, how did I lose it?
We will soon bid farewell to the year 2008.
It would soon be just another year that went by, leaving behind experiences that would relive in our thoughts from time to time. While some of these incidences would be a touching memory, some bitter sweet ones; there are some which would always be more than just a memory.They would be those that had carved a corner in our psyche, an indelible mark, a scar, that in someway changed us, for better or worse. They could either break us, or make us. It’s our choice.
It started off with an unexpected trip to the US for 3 months. Though it was unexpected, it was a nice opportunity, to live a different life, see an unfamiliar world, while crossing milestones in your career.
I saw, I met and I had my mouthful of sky.
Back home. Back to the slime and grime of day to day life, hunting for new accommodation ; uprooting, myriad of adjustments; juggling of finances; US seemed like a dream I had last night.
The dust has not yet settled…when my joyous homecoming was cut short by the news that mom was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer.
At that instant, the world ceased to exist.
My heart went cold. Imagine the sight of a knife drilling into the core of a fruit, while scooping the pulp out of it. That’s how my heart felt.
That’s how my family felt.
Shaken but unwavering in faith, we vowed to fight this disease. Numerous trips to Apollo Chennai, several tests undergone, monthly sessions of chemotherapy followed by a painful recovery; moments of anger, resentment, doubts and helplessness; moments of prayers, hope, gratitude; soul searching times, they were.
The months dragged by … mom in a sick bed, always ready with a smile while you stood by, feeling helpless. How could an angel deserve this?
Well that’s what she turned out to be. Her fragile body was driven by a resilient, unyielding spirit. Her faith was a living testimony. Step by step, she fought the disease and months later, when the doctor pronounced her cured, I was on my knees, eyes upwards in gratitude.
Her life is a miracle. My questions were answered. She had to undergo all this, so that I would know how to love, what it is to live and love, persevere and never give up. I now understand and appreciate her. I no longer question her decisions or understanding. I may not agree but I understand.
So onward we march on life’s highway.
Along came a bent in the road, and I tasted lost love. There was numbness in the madness of my silence. If you pinched me, it wouldn’t have hurt; stabbed me, I wouldn’t have bled. Certain relations have to take a different course; you do not give up on them, they just have to be lived and cherished, unlike before.
A journey isn’t one unless you walk through another bent.
We all grew up under someone’s love, care, guidance. The principles they uphold, become the reason for their place of love, trust and respect in our lives. In an ideal world, this equation stays. It does not change.
But alas, I live to learn that it is not always the case. The pandora’s box opened, and I learned of things that makes me shudder. The one you trust with your life, may just be the one who could break that faith. My trust was broken.
Wounded, we moved on…continuing to play our role.
A bad day today opening up a window for a better day tomorrow.
Old friends, new friends, fair-weather friends, all season friends- you meet them, sup with them, and part to meet again.
You learn to love again. Against all odds, against the naysayer, you hope that this one will withstand the test of time.
One day, you will hopefully learn to trust again.
I had felt joy beyond comprehension, tasted sorrow, met success, turned my back on failure, dared to love, lost it only to love again… hail to the undying human spirit!
Maybe one day i would throw the mask away, for good.
Adieu to a year that seemed like a lifetime lived!
Is there a world outside every darkened door?
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore,
Where the brave are free and lovers soar,
I want to ride into that distant shore…
Farewell 2008!
