Sunday, December 07, 2008

Adieu 2008

It was one of those seemingly endless team meetings. You inevitably get lost in the humdrum of verbal exchanges that sounds like an old record.

My eyes turned to my laptop and I saw a message blinking on my skype. It was a message from my colleague.

The message read ‘Y U FROWNING.U have an angry expression on your face from 2 days’.
I was taken aback, though it somehow made me smile. How very observant of my team-mate to notice something so minor.
But yeah, I would have to give him credit for seeming to care, while I give myself a kick for being so obvious!
We all wear masks, daily. Especially while dealing with the outside world.
What happened to mine? When did I lose it? Rather, how did I lose it?

We will soon bid farewell to the year 2008.
It would soon be just another year that went by, leaving behind experiences that would relive in our thoughts from time to time. While some of these incidences would be a touching memory, some bitter sweet ones; there are some which would always be more than just a memory.They would be those that had carved a corner in our psyche, an indelible mark, a scar, that in someway changed us, for better or worse. They could either break us, or make us. It’s our choice.

It started off with an unexpected trip to the US for 3 months. Though it was unexpected, it was a nice opportunity, to live a different life, see an unfamiliar world, while crossing milestones in your career.
I saw, I met and I had my mouthful of sky.

Back home. Back to the slime and grime of day to day life, hunting for new accommodation ; uprooting, myriad of adjustments; juggling of finances; US seemed like a dream I had last night.

The dust has not yet settled…when my joyous homecoming was cut short by the news that mom was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer.
At that instant, the world ceased to exist.
My heart went cold. Imagine the sight of a knife drilling into the core of a fruit, while scooping the pulp out of it. That’s how my heart felt.
That’s how my family felt.

Shaken but unwavering in faith, we vowed to fight this disease. Numerous trips to Apollo Chennai, several tests undergone, monthly sessions of chemotherapy followed by a painful recovery; moments of anger, resentment, doubts and helplessness; moments of prayers, hope, gratitude; soul searching times, they were.

The months dragged by … mom in a sick bed, always ready with a smile while you stood by, feeling helpless. How could an angel deserve this?
Well that’s what she turned out to be. Her fragile body was driven by a resilient, unyielding spirit. Her faith was a living testimony. Step by step, she fought the disease and months later, when the doctor pronounced her cured, I was on my knees, eyes upwards in gratitude.

Her life is a miracle. My questions were answered. She had to undergo all this, so that I would know how to love, what it is to live and love, persevere and never give up. I now understand and appreciate her. I no longer question her decisions or understanding. I may not agree but I understand.

So onward we march on life’s highway.

Along came a bent in the road, and I tasted lost love. There was numbness in the madness of my silence. If you pinched me, it wouldn’t have hurt; stabbed me, I wouldn’t have bled. Certain relations have to take a different course; you do not give up on them, they just have to be lived and cherished, unlike before.

A journey isn’t one unless you walk through another bent.

We all grew up under someone’s love, care, guidance. The principles they uphold, become the reason for their place of love, trust and respect in our lives. In an ideal world, this equation stays. It does not change.

But alas, I live to learn that it is not always the case. The pandora’s box opened, and I learned of things that makes me shudder. The one you trust with your life, may just be the one who could break that faith. My trust was broken.

Wounded, we moved on…continuing to play our role.

A bad day today opening up a window for a better day tomorrow.
Old friends, new friends, fair-weather friends, all season friends- you meet them, sup with them, and part to meet again.

You learn to love again. Against all odds, against the naysayer, you hope that this one will withstand the test of time.

One day, you will hopefully learn to trust again.


I had felt joy beyond comprehension, tasted sorrow, met success, turned my back on failure, dared to love, lost it only to love again… hail to the undying human spirit!

Maybe one day i would throw the mask away, for good.

Adieu to a year that seemed like a lifetime lived!


Is there a world outside every darkened door?
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore,
Where the brave are free and lovers soar,
I want to ride into that distant shore…

Farewell 2008!







Tuesday, November 04, 2008

For the men we love

Even for an anti-social like me, I do take time out to meet my girlfriends’ at least (Let’s forget for a second that this is a rare phenomenon… happening once in 3 or 4 months). :P

Our meetings usually begin with a luncheon at noon, followed by coffee at one of the numerous café coffee days (lovingly called CCD) sprawling all over Bangalore. It is often followed by dinner of course. Our animated conversations are usually colored with a lot of commiserations over the idiosyncrasies’ of the men we chose to love.


My good friend found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with (Bless her!). She convinced her family, and somehow warmed her way into the hearts of her fiancé ‘s family too. Since her fiancé works in a different city, she would often take those weekend flights to be with him, most times extending her stay, risking her otherwise successful career… its all for love, you see.

When he is drunk, he talks. He says, ‘ I love Shiela, I love Priyanka, I love Sheetal, and I love you ’. Stung, she asked ‘mere aur unke beech kya farq hai?’
( ‘ so how am I different from them’ ) to which he responded ‘ I can live without them, while I can’t live without you’.

(Is this supposed to be a consolation for my friend?)

And, so he continues in his late night chats with his numerous girl friends, lending his supposedly ‘big heart’ to them. When countered about it, he says ‘I love you, don’t I? I am going to marry you, am i not? So stay the hell out of this. What I do in my privacy is my choice.’

Another friend changed her lifestyle completely for him. On his insistence, she enrolled into a health club, attained the figure ‘he looked for in his woman’, changed her hairstyle, and overturned her wardrobe. She looks good! She does. A transformed woman, she definitely is. Then she looked at me and in a sullen voice, said ‘Yet, I often wonder, would he have loved me if I have not done all this for him... I feel good, yes. I have never felt this good in my life; it’s been worth it... (stammering) but what if… what if we don’t end up together for good…what would become of me?’.

Another long time friend of mine, is married to the love of her life. We met over coffee. This is one couple I really love. When they finally tied the knot, it was one of those moments in life when you smile and thought ‘life is not so bad, after all’ :)

While being happily married to him, she has one grouch. Whatever little time she has with her hubby between their jobs, was shared with ‘them’. Stunned, I asked ‘Who them?’. She answered ‘His parents’. I smiled. Isn’t that the common complaint of a million other wives, at least in our country? Somewhat pacified, she smiled, and we continue discussing other grouches ;-)

So, its not surprising, that when my friend Zee told me about the woman he hopes to marry and what he had asked of her; that with great difficulty I had to stop myself from hitting him!

Zee’s biggest request of his would be fiancé is that she should understand that when it comes to choosing between his mother and her (on any matter), his mother would always comes first. She should understand that.

And when his would be fiancé has second thoughts about this, he wonder why.


Are all men this obtuse? Is this why their women are head over heel in love with them, no matter what?

You wonder why we store messages in our inbox, and chose not to delete them as soon as we finish reading them? It’s simply because we love to re-read those messages, feel the underlying love in those words, and be reminded of it time and again.

We ask too many questions? We ask because you don’t communicate. Simple.

And so you would say, ‘Don’t you know me enough, to understand me? Can’t you decipher on your own?’ We can, and we do. But then again you come up and say ‘Why do you come to such a conclusion? Why in the hell do you assume things? Did I say such a thing?’


With all the peculiarities of men, there is one peculiarity of us women,that will stay.

No matter what, we would still love our men, turn a blind eye to their fault, and pretend to live in bliss.

Heavens have mercy on us! lol

(If not for its cuteness, it's downright pitiful :P)

All for love, we say :)



P.S. Names are not mentioned.But, Thanks for sharing girls!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Just me

Did I change???
That’s the question I ask myself these days. My best-friend made such a comment (‘Coret, you have changed’). It may have been said in jest, but it definitely made me introspect.

What was that famous adage?? Doesn’t it go something like – ‘There is nothing constant, but change’ or ‘Change is the only constant’?

If I subject myself to this adage ( a universal truth) as a measurement of what I was and what I have become outwardly
( my weight keeps oscillating monthly, gone are my acne prone days, boy cut to long tresses, a confused boy wanna-be to a somewhat tolerable lady…et al ), then yes, I have definitely metamorphose!

However my ethos, my psyche is the same.

As a child and a teen-ager, I was restless. One moment, playing basketball was the ‘it’ thing for me. Next minute, making it to the football team was my only goal. It does not matter whether I have the natural talent or not. I would make it to the field every morning, religiously do the rounds, and judiciously try to learn the tricks. I was no star. I did not excel, was not a favourite but somehow I made it to the team!

Now, as an adult, a job holder, a team member, a team player, I don’t stand out, i rarely give my opinions but I would somehow make sure i am heard.

The same grit, spunk, un-dauntedness… border- lining on stubbornness (at times), keeps me going.

My aunt and her friends, loved to tease me. She would tickle me with a caution ‘If you love me, you will not laugh’. As ticklish and uncomfortable as I felt (most times, I had to refrain myself from hitting her), I would muster up all my strength and will- power, remained stoic and not laugh!
I hated to displease or offend her! (I was only a kid).
This characteristic of not wanting to displease anyone, has made its way into my adult life.
Fortunately, it has landed me in the good books of people(sigh!,which is not always good, i know).
Unfortunately, I have subjected myself to many awkward situations, an inch shy of getting into real trouble.

I loved with a fierceness, blind to a fault. I support with a die-hard attitude. The 1993 French Open Final. The clash between 2nd seeded Jim Courier and 10th seeded Sergei Bruguera.

Sergei Bruguera, I have never heard of him before.But somehow minutes before the final game started, I made a decision to support him. Why I fancied him in a second, I do not know!!! From the time he hit the first serve, I was at the edge of my seat, cheering, praying, crying at every point he lost (my amused family were egging him to lose, just to annoy me. Mom and sis were laughing at me). Every nerve of my being was on alert, and when Sergei sailed through 6-4 2-6 6-2 3-6 6-3, I was on my knees crying with joy. That memory is etched into our memories till today. Mom still love to tease me on that.

And so as an adult, I love the same. Fiercely, passionately, zealously- be it for a person or thing.
Through disappointment, tears, joy, happiness, smiles, pain, this would not change. I would still love this way. It’s the only way I know.

Drilled into our minds since childhood to love your neighbor as yourself, not to respond to evil with evil,instinctively my actions would be geared to doing just that(i try!).Dad had once said,'Be as gentle as a dove and as wise as a serpent'- i am still learning to live by it.Such was my upbringing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that certain peculiarities would never change.

I would still bump into anything that stood on my way; drop things involuntarily; get peeved if someone is rude; annoyed if the 4 curtsies – please, thank you, sorry, excuse-me are overlooked; for peace-sake keep my mouth shut, grin and bear with it; irked by unanswered calls/texts/ emails (am guilty of the same though); fret over trivial things and … many other vices.


My grandpa would trim the branches of the camellia tree every summer, so that next season, the camellia flower would bloom into a more luscious, healthy, vibrant pink. The branches of the tree re-grows but the roots remain the same.

My ethos would remain the same.

Don't hmm me!!!

The ‘hmm’ expression

I hate to be hmm at. It’s a downright rude expression!

And to my dismay, I found that it does exist in the dictionary.

Defined as an Interjection, it is an expression ‘to express thoughtful absorption, hesitation, doubt, or perplexity’. I am not surprised. But I would like to add to the definition.

I have been ‘hmm’ too many a times.

And the feeling I get is a perplexing one.

I ask a friend ‘You hung up on me all of a sudden. Did I say something wrong?’
An answer to this question could be yes or no.
However, incase my friend does not want to appear impolite, he could come out with a tactful answer, maybe something like ‘ Oh no, I pressed the wrong button. My bad. ’ (yeah right! ) or a more believable one like ‘ I don’t know how but the network just went off’ (in 6 cases out of 10, this could be a genuine answer).

But my friend said ‘ hmm, not at all’.

Wow, if it weren’t so pathetic, this could have made me laugh it off.
‘hmm, not at all’- he wants to appear tactful, courteously shrugging off the fact that what I said might have pissed him off, but he failed miserably… because to me the ‘hmm’ is a dead giveaway of your true sentiments.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Cup and Saucer

Elayne Boosler said, “When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking”.

Did Elayne knew while stating this, that she might have discovered a goldmine of wisdom- the root cause of so much hurt, resentment, tears, between men and women?

If she did and if she ‘understood’ the gravity of what she was saying, applied it in her life; her relationship with a man would be an almost perfect- give and take; more listening and less of nagging; empathy, not fault-finding; a warm embrace instead of a simple nod; a verbal endearment in place of silent appreciation; in a nutshell, a man and a woman would be able to find that ‘elusive’ communication bridge that could dissuade such differences if not put them away for good.

In today’s age where one can get information on anything under the sun at just the click of a mouse; no wonder one would find a potpourri of books on the man and his counterpart, the woman.


Let’s name a few… at the top of my head…I can recall

1. Men are from Mars, women from Venus
2. Why men don’t listen and woman can’t read maps
3. Why men don’t remember and women never forget
4. Brian sex: the real difference between men and women
5. Why men lie and women cry
6. Why men don’t have a clue and women always need more shoes( I love this one! )


Ahem, need I name more??? I guess you get the flow by now.

The point is can any of these books, no matter how well researched upon, written and read, really make a mark difference in the interactions between the two sexes???

It will always be true that the brain is made primarily of two different types of tissue, called gray matter and white matter. Research reveals that men think more with their gray matter, and women think more with white. Men would do better in mathematics whereas women better them at social sciences and languages.







Let’s state an example :

( This example is frequently mentioned in most articles. I have just tweaked it a bit)

A disclaimer: This story is fictional. All characters in this story are fictional. They have no resemblance to any person living or death. If you wish to differ on this, you can take it up with me, one to one :P



Sam and Carol have been together for some months now.
Today is a good evening. Both were having a good time together. They saw a movie, laughed through popcorn spills, and went for a drive.


At the traffic stop, Carol looked over at Sam, her heart warms up at the mere sight of him and wondered where they were heading. 4 months was a long time of being together.

Carol, her heart racing, her stomach churning, casually yet suggestively told Sam, ‘ Hey, we have been together for 4 months now Sam’…

Sam, a surprised look on his face responded ‘ wow! 4 months eh???’ and smiled.

And then he suddenly remembered that his car’s servicing date was 4 months overdue. Damn! he missed it again.

Frowning, angry at his carelessness Sam drove hurriedly through the traffic to drop Carol home.

Meanwhile, Carol was in smithereens!
She thought, ‘Oh what have I done! I have angered Sam… he must be thinking am pushing him towards a commitment he is not ready for’…

Before she stepped out of her car, she turned to Sam and said ‘Sorry Sam. It was a harmless statement. I did not mean to put you off. Thanks for the lovely evening’.

Perplexed Sam, embroiled in his car servicing issue and the football match he might missed if he does not hit the wheels soon, muttered, ‘It’s ok. Thanks. See ya Carol’.

And off he goes!


Now you don’t have to be a genius to predict what happens next :D

Carol would be weeping her eyes dry, call up her girl-friends, discuss Sam, dissect his every word, their every conversation for hours, come out with two to three conclusions…and remain miserable for the whole week!

On the other-hand, Sam was glad to make it on time for the match!
And a thought of Carol and her strange apology just made him smile-‘Women!’, he exclaimed.





Funny eh?

Yeah, it would be funny if it only was not so exasperating, if only you are not a Sam or a Carol.


However, why try to disrupt the yin and the yang?

Women will always worry about the things men forget.
Men always worry about the things women remember.

Let the books serve as guidelines for better relationships.
Don’t expect them to somehow transpose men’s thinking pattern into women’s and vice versa.

As for me, I always prefer taking my coffee in a cup that comes with a saucer :-)

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Just for you Girl- From my heart to yours

You asked me ‘how life is’, am so tempted to say ‘it’s a farce’.
Sacrilegious!
How could you utter such words?
It’s not the done thing.
It’s the least expected from you girl.
What happened to you?
How could you hurt your mama and your papa, with such a careless attitude?
Weren’t you taught to be joyful in every situation?

Yes I was.
And yes I was taught about all the goodness there is in the world.
Be good cause good always has a way of coming back.
Sweet.

We are taught how to be everyone else, except ourselves.

‘Smile though your heart is breaking,
Smile even though it hurts.
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by-
If you smile, through your pain and sorrow.
Smile, and maybe tomorrow, you will see the sun come through..’

Oh yeah, smile, swallow it all down, don’t lash out.

Don’t lash out?
Yeah right! If you don’t vent out, you are doing good to everyone else except you.

So hey girl, you wanna swear, you wanna cry your eyes dry, you wanna scream your lungs out, you wanna take that trip just for yourself, you wanna throw all cares to the wind for at-least a day?
Do yourself a favor.
Do it.

You are better off being yourself, woman.

Listen to what your heart says for a change :-)

Happy Woman’s Day!

P.S. This is dedicated to all my woman friends.Let's be true to ourselves.

It's ok to be YOU.











Sunday, February 03, 2008

I look up and i see..

It’s been a month since I stepped on Big brother’s backyard. Caught in the whirlwind of activities, today I could relax my mind and finally pen down what’s been churning, stirring, boiling, and now ready to spill over. Wow, I have managed to make myself sound no less than a busybody ;-)


The US of A, it’s all what I imagined it to be and all what I never thought it could be.

Have you ever walked into Landmark store at forum, Bangalore, looking for a specific book? All you got to do is walk over to the right section and voila, you find your book right there (if you don’t, then they don’t have it). That’s in a nutshell US of A for you. Just like everything is aligned in neatly arranged racks, everything here follows an unwritten law of ‘spick and span’.

It’s a different world indeed from the charming haphazardness of our Indian cities. While in India, the drivers define the road-laws, here the pedestrian rules. Cars would stop for you to cross the road. This back home, is the privilege of the netas only. Lol

Watching TV here would put away all your doubts on why a Television is called an ‘Idiot Box’. The shows are interactive and fun, no doubt, but you can’t help but smile at the idiosyncrasy of the culture here. It’s all about gorging not just the best of rich foods, but also gorging on every luxury possible. This is followed by the ‘fire extinguishers’ like diet plans, diet pills, and insurances against an accident to a heart disease to a broken knee to whatever possible under the sun.

Just sit for half an hour before your television set and you’ll see what I am talking about. The 5 minutes advertisements on intervals, are of the following chronological order:
1. Ads on the best steaks, best burgers, best pizzas available
2. Ads on the best diet plans, best customized diet recipes, best diet pills-available over the counter
3. Ads of the A to Z insurances available; just sign the paper, pay and you are insured.

Yes amidst the orderliness, you can see the chaos in a people gone wrong with the basics. A paradox, an oddity.

There is one thing that is endearing about this nation.
They have a heart to reach out to the less privilege, and they are not shy about it. There are specific channels that dedicate themselves to social uplift-ment of the less privilege in wealth, in health, in basic amenities, in opportunities. Every public place you go to, every organization, every public transport brace the presence of wheelchair driven, specially challenged, and old-aged citizens; therewith providing the necessary facilities. There is an implicit message that amidst the perpetual inequality in class, race, wealth, choices, there is always HOPE. Yeah, to this I say, God bless America.

My sojourn here has not ended….

The emotions I expressed in this article are my first impressions of this land. I am eager to explore more, to see more, to discover what is behind the facade (if any), to know and to relish.

One thing I know for sure, that the chord which binds humans across ‘man-made’ differences exists.


I look up and I see we are…

Underneath the same sun… we are all just nameless dots.

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