Wrote this on 14th July at around 10:45 pm
hate the fact that i dont wake up lookin fwd to the day, i hate the grumpy and lifeless faces around me, i hate to get sad phonecalls eventhough i may love the caller, i hate the fact that i cant go to sleep early coz of work, i hate that when i finally sleep am not at peace coz i'm not done with what was suppose to be done yesterday, am sleepy but i;ve got miles to go before i can sleep, but i cant walk the miles coz am so mentally drain
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Ode to Mei-ieid
Mei-ieid –That’s what I called her. We all addressed her by that name.
It means Mother-of-love.
(In Khasi, Mei means Mother, Ieid means Love).
That’s my grandma for you
Her essence, her beauty, her charm, her affections, her advices, her reprimands imprinted itself in my mind, carved its way into a big corner of my heart, since the time I was just a gibberish mumbling toddler.
She’d created the fountain of love, built on bricks of goodness, moral values, virtue, hope, peace, forgiveness. She’d lived the maxim ‘When the going gets tough, the tough gets going’.
No wonder her 6 children turned out to be the fine men and women, which they are. Each one has become individuals to reckon with whether in their own families or the society.
Doctors, engineers, lecturers, officers, they’ve become, solely because of how she’d brought them up.
Born to parents that were not too well-off, she learned to climb the ropes of survival at a tender young age. She realized that money doesn’t come easy. One needs to earn it. And that was what made her a responsible, respected, loved, care-giving nurse at one of the first hospitals in Khasi Hills, Shillong.
My memories go as far back as a sight of her in her crispy white uniform, always punctual at work, no compromise on duty, whether day or night. She was a dedicated professional.
Then again I remember her, on a cold winter night, sitting by the coal fire, cooking, after which she then fed me. It could be just plain white rice with a little salt. But when she feeds me, literally, from her hand, I would gobble it up like it was the most appetizing food I had ever tasted. Isn’t there some saying that it’s not what you cook but how much love you put into your cooking, that makes the difference? Well, my Mei-ieid for sure did that.
Mei-ieid departed at a ripe old age of 85 on 2nd May, 2009. She was bed ridden for almost 9 years because of her arthritis.Being taken care of by others, especially by my darling aunt Mei-duh, she never complaint of her discomfort. Rather, she would often smile. Whenever I am back for vacations from college, she always had a smile for me. Initially, she would talk to me about my life in college. But as the years went by, when talking became tiring, she would still be ready with a smile. Just one word, ‘Yet’, in her soft loving voice, followed by her smile and her kiss, was enough (She called me Yet). I am blessed.
Yeah, I could go on about you, Mei-ieid. I could even write your biography.
But you know what your greatest testimony is? It’s the kids you have raised and your grand-children, their scions. They are your legacy and your testimony.
We may not be your perfect example. In-fact, we may be clue-less as to how to fight the good fight. But one thing we all have in common, that binds us together. That is, the values you have instilled and the love of Christ.
They will live on.
Even in your death, you still managed to inspire me.
It’s been 6 months since I wrote anything. Life had been such, Mei-ieid, that my mind, my feelings were blocked. Maybe you whispered into my heart, as your parting gift, and that is why the dams of my heart finally broke open, my mind cleared up, and am writing again.
I am what I am today, because I was nurtured by you.
Thank You. Till we meet again.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Adieu 2008
It was one of those seemingly endless team meetings. You inevitably get lost in the humdrum of verbal exchanges that sounds like an old record.
My eyes turned to my laptop and I saw a message blinking on my skype. It was a message from my colleague.
The message read ‘Y U FROWNING.U have an angry expression on your face from 2 days’.
I was taken aback, though it somehow made me smile. How very observant of my team-mate to notice something so minor.
But yeah, I would have to give him credit for seeming to care, while I give myself a kick for being so obvious!
We all wear masks, daily. Especially while dealing with the outside world.
What happened to mine? When did I lose it? Rather, how did I lose it?
We will soon bid farewell to the year 2008.
It would soon be just another year that went by, leaving behind experiences that would relive in our thoughts from time to time. While some of these incidences would be a touching memory, some bitter sweet ones; there are some which would always be more than just a memory.They would be those that had carved a corner in our psyche, an indelible mark, a scar, that in someway changed us, for better or worse. They could either break us, or make us. It’s our choice.
It started off with an unexpected trip to the US for 3 months. Though it was unexpected, it was a nice opportunity, to live a different life, see an unfamiliar world, while crossing milestones in your career.
I saw, I met and I had my mouthful of sky.
Back home. Back to the slime and grime of day to day life, hunting for new accommodation ; uprooting, myriad of adjustments; juggling of finances; US seemed like a dream I had last night.
The dust has not yet settled…when my joyous homecoming was cut short by the news that mom was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer.
At that instant, the world ceased to exist.
My heart went cold. Imagine the sight of a knife drilling into the core of a fruit, while scooping the pulp out of it. That’s how my heart felt.
That’s how my family felt.
Shaken but unwavering in faith, we vowed to fight this disease. Numerous trips to Apollo Chennai, several tests undergone, monthly sessions of chemotherapy followed by a painful recovery; moments of anger, resentment, doubts and helplessness; moments of prayers, hope, gratitude; soul searching times, they were.
The months dragged by … mom in a sick bed, always ready with a smile while you stood by, feeling helpless. How could an angel deserve this?
Well that’s what she turned out to be. Her fragile body was driven by a resilient, unyielding spirit. Her faith was a living testimony. Step by step, she fought the disease and months later, when the doctor pronounced her cured, I was on my knees, eyes upwards in gratitude.
Her life is a miracle. My questions were answered. She had to undergo all this, so that I would know how to love, what it is to live and love, persevere and never give up. I now understand and appreciate her. I no longer question her decisions or understanding. I may not agree but I understand.
So onward we march on life’s highway.
Along came a bent in the road, and I tasted lost love. There was numbness in the madness of my silence. If you pinched me, it wouldn’t have hurt; stabbed me, I wouldn’t have bled. Certain relations have to take a different course; you do not give up on them, they just have to be lived and cherished, unlike before.
A journey isn’t one unless you walk through another bent.
We all grew up under someone’s love, care, guidance. The principles they uphold, become the reason for their place of love, trust and respect in our lives. In an ideal world, this equation stays. It does not change.
But alas, I live to learn that it is not always the case. The pandora’s box opened, and I learned of things that makes me shudder. The one you trust with your life, may just be the one who could break that faith. My trust was broken.
Wounded, we moved on…continuing to play our role.
A bad day today opening up a window for a better day tomorrow.
Old friends, new friends, fair-weather friends, all season friends- you meet them, sup with them, and part to meet again.
You learn to love again. Against all odds, against the naysayer, you hope that this one will withstand the test of time.
One day, you will hopefully learn to trust again.
I had felt joy beyond comprehension, tasted sorrow, met success, turned my back on failure, dared to love, lost it only to love again… hail to the undying human spirit!
Maybe one day i would throw the mask away, for good.
Adieu to a year that seemed like a lifetime lived!
Is there a world outside every darkened door?
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore,
Where the brave are free and lovers soar,
I want to ride into that distant shore…
Farewell 2008!
My eyes turned to my laptop and I saw a message blinking on my skype. It was a message from my colleague.
The message read ‘Y U FROWNING.U have an angry expression on your face from 2 days’.
I was taken aback, though it somehow made me smile. How very observant of my team-mate to notice something so minor.
But yeah, I would have to give him credit for seeming to care, while I give myself a kick for being so obvious!
We all wear masks, daily. Especially while dealing with the outside world.
What happened to mine? When did I lose it? Rather, how did I lose it?
We will soon bid farewell to the year 2008.
It would soon be just another year that went by, leaving behind experiences that would relive in our thoughts from time to time. While some of these incidences would be a touching memory, some bitter sweet ones; there are some which would always be more than just a memory.They would be those that had carved a corner in our psyche, an indelible mark, a scar, that in someway changed us, for better or worse. They could either break us, or make us. It’s our choice.
It started off with an unexpected trip to the US for 3 months. Though it was unexpected, it was a nice opportunity, to live a different life, see an unfamiliar world, while crossing milestones in your career.
I saw, I met and I had my mouthful of sky.
Back home. Back to the slime and grime of day to day life, hunting for new accommodation ; uprooting, myriad of adjustments; juggling of finances; US seemed like a dream I had last night.
The dust has not yet settled…when my joyous homecoming was cut short by the news that mom was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer.
At that instant, the world ceased to exist.
My heart went cold. Imagine the sight of a knife drilling into the core of a fruit, while scooping the pulp out of it. That’s how my heart felt.
That’s how my family felt.
Shaken but unwavering in faith, we vowed to fight this disease. Numerous trips to Apollo Chennai, several tests undergone, monthly sessions of chemotherapy followed by a painful recovery; moments of anger, resentment, doubts and helplessness; moments of prayers, hope, gratitude; soul searching times, they were.
The months dragged by … mom in a sick bed, always ready with a smile while you stood by, feeling helpless. How could an angel deserve this?
Well that’s what she turned out to be. Her fragile body was driven by a resilient, unyielding spirit. Her faith was a living testimony. Step by step, she fought the disease and months later, when the doctor pronounced her cured, I was on my knees, eyes upwards in gratitude.
Her life is a miracle. My questions were answered. She had to undergo all this, so that I would know how to love, what it is to live and love, persevere and never give up. I now understand and appreciate her. I no longer question her decisions or understanding. I may not agree but I understand.
So onward we march on life’s highway.
Along came a bent in the road, and I tasted lost love. There was numbness in the madness of my silence. If you pinched me, it wouldn’t have hurt; stabbed me, I wouldn’t have bled. Certain relations have to take a different course; you do not give up on them, they just have to be lived and cherished, unlike before.
A journey isn’t one unless you walk through another bent.
We all grew up under someone’s love, care, guidance. The principles they uphold, become the reason for their place of love, trust and respect in our lives. In an ideal world, this equation stays. It does not change.
But alas, I live to learn that it is not always the case. The pandora’s box opened, and I learned of things that makes me shudder. The one you trust with your life, may just be the one who could break that faith. My trust was broken.
Wounded, we moved on…continuing to play our role.
A bad day today opening up a window for a better day tomorrow.
Old friends, new friends, fair-weather friends, all season friends- you meet them, sup with them, and part to meet again.
You learn to love again. Against all odds, against the naysayer, you hope that this one will withstand the test of time.
One day, you will hopefully learn to trust again.
I had felt joy beyond comprehension, tasted sorrow, met success, turned my back on failure, dared to love, lost it only to love again… hail to the undying human spirit!
Maybe one day i would throw the mask away, for good.
Adieu to a year that seemed like a lifetime lived!
Is there a world outside every darkened door?
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore,
Where the brave are free and lovers soar,
I want to ride into that distant shore…
Farewell 2008!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
For the men we love
Even for an anti-social like me, I do take time out to meet my girlfriends’ at least (Let’s forget for a second that this is a rare phenomenon… happening once in 3 or 4 months). :P
Our meetings usually begin with a luncheon at noon, followed by coffee at one of the numerous café coffee days (lovingly called CCD) sprawling all over Bangalore. It is often followed by dinner of course. Our animated conversations are usually colored with a lot of commiserations over the idiosyncrasies’ of the men we chose to love.
My good friend found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with (Bless her!). She convinced her family, and somehow warmed her way into the hearts of her fiancé ‘s family too. Since her fiancé works in a different city, she would often take those weekend flights to be with him, most times extending her stay, risking her otherwise successful career… its all for love, you see.
When he is drunk, he talks. He says, ‘ I love Shiela, I love Priyanka, I love Sheetal, and I love you ’. Stung, she asked ‘mere aur unke beech kya farq hai?’
( ‘ so how am I different from them’ ) to which he responded ‘ I can live without them, while I can’t live without you’.
(Is this supposed to be a consolation for my friend?)
And, so he continues in his late night chats with his numerous girl friends, lending his supposedly ‘big heart’ to them. When countered about it, he says ‘I love you, don’t I? I am going to marry you, am i not? So stay the hell out of this. What I do in my privacy is my choice.’
Another friend changed her lifestyle completely for him. On his insistence, she enrolled into a health club, attained the figure ‘he looked for in his woman’, changed her hairstyle, and overturned her wardrobe. She looks good! She does. A transformed woman, she definitely is. Then she looked at me and in a sullen voice, said ‘Yet, I often wonder, would he have loved me if I have not done all this for him... I feel good, yes. I have never felt this good in my life; it’s been worth it... (stammering) but what if… what if we don’t end up together for good…what would become of me?’.
Another long time friend of mine, is married to the love of her life. We met over coffee. This is one couple I really love. When they finally tied the knot, it was one of those moments in life when you smile and thought ‘life is not so bad, after all’ :)
While being happily married to him, she has one grouch. Whatever little time she has with her hubby between their jobs, was shared with ‘them’. Stunned, I asked ‘Who them?’. She answered ‘His parents’. I smiled. Isn’t that the common complaint of a million other wives, at least in our country? Somewhat pacified, she smiled, and we continue discussing other grouches ;-)
So, its not surprising, that when my friend Zee told me about the woman he hopes to marry and what he had asked of her; that with great difficulty I had to stop myself from hitting him!
Zee’s biggest request of his would be fiancé is that she should understand that when it comes to choosing between his mother and her (on any matter), his mother would always comes first. She should understand that.
And when his would be fiancé has second thoughts about this, he wonder why.
Are all men this obtuse? Is this why their women are head over heel in love with them, no matter what?
You wonder why we store messages in our inbox, and chose not to delete them as soon as we finish reading them? It’s simply because we love to re-read those messages, feel the underlying love in those words, and be reminded of it time and again.
We ask too many questions? We ask because you don’t communicate. Simple.
And so you would say, ‘Don’t you know me enough, to understand me? Can’t you decipher on your own?’ We can, and we do. But then again you come up and say ‘Why do you come to such a conclusion? Why in the hell do you assume things? Did I say such a thing?’
With all the peculiarities of men, there is one peculiarity of us women,that will stay.
No matter what, we would still love our men, turn a blind eye to their fault, and pretend to live in bliss.
Heavens have mercy on us! lol
(If not for its cuteness, it's downright pitiful :P)
All for love, we say :)
P.S. Names are not mentioned.But, Thanks for sharing girls!
Our meetings usually begin with a luncheon at noon, followed by coffee at one of the numerous café coffee days (lovingly called CCD) sprawling all over Bangalore. It is often followed by dinner of course. Our animated conversations are usually colored with a lot of commiserations over the idiosyncrasies’ of the men we chose to love.
My good friend found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with (Bless her!). She convinced her family, and somehow warmed her way into the hearts of her fiancé ‘s family too. Since her fiancé works in a different city, she would often take those weekend flights to be with him, most times extending her stay, risking her otherwise successful career… its all for love, you see.
When he is drunk, he talks. He says, ‘ I love Shiela, I love Priyanka, I love Sheetal, and I love you ’. Stung, she asked ‘mere aur unke beech kya farq hai?’
( ‘ so how am I different from them’ ) to which he responded ‘ I can live without them, while I can’t live without you’.
(Is this supposed to be a consolation for my friend?)
And, so he continues in his late night chats with his numerous girl friends, lending his supposedly ‘big heart’ to them. When countered about it, he says ‘I love you, don’t I? I am going to marry you, am i not? So stay the hell out of this. What I do in my privacy is my choice.’
Another friend changed her lifestyle completely for him. On his insistence, she enrolled into a health club, attained the figure ‘he looked for in his woman’, changed her hairstyle, and overturned her wardrobe. She looks good! She does. A transformed woman, she definitely is. Then she looked at me and in a sullen voice, said ‘Yet, I often wonder, would he have loved me if I have not done all this for him... I feel good, yes. I have never felt this good in my life; it’s been worth it... (stammering) but what if… what if we don’t end up together for good…what would become of me?’.
Another long time friend of mine, is married to the love of her life. We met over coffee. This is one couple I really love. When they finally tied the knot, it was one of those moments in life when you smile and thought ‘life is not so bad, after all’ :)
While being happily married to him, she has one grouch. Whatever little time she has with her hubby between their jobs, was shared with ‘them’. Stunned, I asked ‘Who them?’. She answered ‘His parents’. I smiled. Isn’t that the common complaint of a million other wives, at least in our country? Somewhat pacified, she smiled, and we continue discussing other grouches ;-)
So, its not surprising, that when my friend Zee told me about the woman he hopes to marry and what he had asked of her; that with great difficulty I had to stop myself from hitting him!
Zee’s biggest request of his would be fiancé is that she should understand that when it comes to choosing between his mother and her (on any matter), his mother would always comes first. She should understand that.
And when his would be fiancé has second thoughts about this, he wonder why.
Are all men this obtuse? Is this why their women are head over heel in love with them, no matter what?
You wonder why we store messages in our inbox, and chose not to delete them as soon as we finish reading them? It’s simply because we love to re-read those messages, feel the underlying love in those words, and be reminded of it time and again.
We ask too many questions? We ask because you don’t communicate. Simple.
And so you would say, ‘Don’t you know me enough, to understand me? Can’t you decipher on your own?’ We can, and we do. But then again you come up and say ‘Why do you come to such a conclusion? Why in the hell do you assume things? Did I say such a thing?’
With all the peculiarities of men, there is one peculiarity of us women,that will stay.
No matter what, we would still love our men, turn a blind eye to their fault, and pretend to live in bliss.
Heavens have mercy on us! lol
(If not for its cuteness, it's downright pitiful :P)
All for love, we say :)
P.S. Names are not mentioned.But, Thanks for sharing girls!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)