One Sweet Day

(This is dedicated to my Ma- The only mother I’ll ever have; Mei-ieid- my grandma; Shariba- the friend I’ll always cherish even though we were together for only a short while. I miss you Ma, Mei-ieid and Shai)


Sorry, I never told you, all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you.
Cause you've flown away, so far away.
Never, Had I imagined, yeah, living without your smile.
Feeling and knowing you hear me.
It keeps me alive. Alive!

I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll
always look to a brighter day.

Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You'll always listen, as I pray!

(~ this is a song ‘One sweet day’ sung by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men)

My Story – brick by brick

An array of books stacked on the shelf, dog-eared pages, dust covered and worn out.
An unopened dusty Bible at the bedside table, a suitcase of unpacked party clothes, and a dysfunctional clock hanging over the mantle, its battery never restored.

A quick scan across the room and this is what you see.

You are caught up by the sudden rush of long buried emotions. Hit by that crumbling feeling, you feel dilapidated and worn out.
This is how I have felt for a long time.

The room is but a reflection of a dripping away spirit and a vacant mind. There was no chaos. None whatsoever. You need to be alive and combative to be receptive of affection, anger, desire, remorse, joy, pain, passion, love, pride, shame, or warmth. I felt none. The senses were dead.

I am not the same now. I have somehow pulled through and here I am, writing.
At first I chose not to write about it. My argument was why dig up a closed grave, why speak about the times gone by, why speak about me and risk sounding narcissistic.

Ashish, my friend and cynic said why not. Why not acknowledge what is, resolve if need be, get it over and done with.

Invigorated, here I am with my story.

“So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even
your year,…”

So the Rembrandts had sung…

And yeah!
No one told me that love would one day fly off the window and you find yourself trying to figure out what was it all about.
No one told me that the angel of death would come flying in through the window (was the window opened?), clasping its claws into the three people I’ve loved (and always will), denying them of a dignified departure. Cruel death!
No one told me that my self-claimed ‘fool-proof’ faith would be shaken to its very core.
No one told me that I would face death head-on, cheated it but marred for life, leaving me with haunting images, questioning if victory over death was worth every ounce of a penny.

My friends called me ‘the phoenix’. To them, amidst all this personal afflictions and anguish, I have still come out trumps! To quote one of them, ‘you rise up like the phoenix and you inspire’

(Origin and meaning of Phoenix - • Mythology. A bird in Egyptian mythology that lived in the desert for 500 years and then consumed itself by fire, later to rise renewed from its ashes.
• A person or thing of unsurpassed excellence or beauty; a paragon)

Touched, flattered I am. But let not my smile mislead you.
I am human. It hurt like hell. It still does.

My senses went numb not from the lack of emotions but from the ‘overwhelming emotions’ of confusion, anger, pain, and loss. Hell! And to top it all, I felt guilty if I weren’t grateful. For I am still alive, am I not? I can walk again, isn’t it? So why shouldn’t I be grateful!
Fate was mocking at me! Sardonic, contemptuous fate.

To say I felt ragged would not do justice to the lunacy of my emotions.

I was not a lone casualty. Helplessness engulfed not just me but my loved ones too. I was desperate to reach out and comfort them but how does an emotionally crippled me intend to do that?
And to think that my love ones wept cause of what happened to me that was torturous and even more crippling.

These tears stung my eyes then and burn my thoughts now.

So yeah, life has moved on.
I am back on my feet, back at my job doing what am best at, meeting deadlines, holding up commitments, traveling, singing, writing, gorging on books, continuing to love… its become even more important for me to do all these things, it’s like am racing against some force ….its like each day am cementing a brick on what I hope would be a wall or some kind of structure…I am less enlightened than what I was yesterday…but am doing it brick by brick.


At a flip of a coin or maybe at a turn of the wheel, I hope I don’t have to go through fire again, dragging my love ones with me, in order to rise up like a phoenix.

I am spent.

Noah's Ark

Someone sent me this:

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah 's Ark . One : Don't miss the boat. Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four : Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six : Build your future on high ground. Seven : For safety sake, travel in pairs. Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine : When you're stressed, float a while. Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. Eleven : No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting

C2GKEWFC9UYN

Love ‘s Hues

Compiled from different love songs.Inspired by the fact that I’ll always be a silly old romantic, no matter what.

P.S- Can you identify the songs from which the lyrics are taken?

(First throes of love)
A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this
(The courting)
Say you love me every weakening moment
Turn my head with talk to summertime
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you
Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe
No one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wild enough

To keep me from you

(Love dethrone)
Well you couldn't be that one I adored
You don't seem to know
Or seem to care
What your heart is for
I don't know you anymore
There's nothin' where you used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothings right
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
( Bitterness reigns)
Oh it's a dirty old shame that all you get from love is a love song
It's gotcha layin up nights waiting for the music to start.
It's such a dirty old shame when you got to take the blame for a
love song.
Because the best love song is writing with a broken heart.
(The lull after the storm~ forgiveness)
So take a look at me now,
well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now,
( Hope Resurrected)
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose
(New lasting love)
Love is the only thing that have made me cry
Nothing’s ever made me feel more alive
And that’s why once again here I am looking for New Love

I believe that its gonna be better than ever before
That’s why am looking for a new love for this old heart of mine
A new love and I can’t just wait to start
I wanna feel that way again