Not Yet Home....

It’s midnight. I find myself walking in circles in the terrace.
Under the serene starry night, I can hear the rustling of the leaves of the coconut tree, the distant beckoning sound of a train, the screeching of an R1 bike as it comes to a halt…

Yes, they are sights and sounds of a city life.

As soothing as the night sky and the cool breeze is, my mind refuses to breathe easy. It is wandering arbitrarily, with no sense of purpose, no direction.

The far off running train is seductively enticing me to that place call home. Somewhere in my sub conscience, I can hear the soft tunes of a celebrated song call ‘Home’ … resonating.

‘I'm going home,Back to the place where I belong,And where your love has always been enough for me.I'm not running from.No, I think you got me all wrong.I don't regret this life chose for me.But these places and these faces are getting oldSo I'm going home.Well I'm going home…’

Home!

The tiny word brings up such tenderness in ones heart, its as if one was touched and deeply moved.

But Why?

When we speak of home, we often understood it as a place, an abode where our family resides. It brings up a feeling of being connected or something you identify with.

Its absolutely right.

However, is that it? Are family ties, unconditional love, acceptance all that is to Home?

I would like to think not.
I would rather have a far more definitive, complete, concluding, conclusive, nailed down understanding of Home.

I know I am home, when I have arrived.

Right now, am still a wayfarer who most often than not, hitch hike on rides, rub shoulders with fellow travellers, at times uplifted-at times crestfallen by their stories, touched by the ordinary, awed by the miracles, learning, observing, discovering, inspired, heart-broken, and still far from having arrived.

I have not taken the first step towards Home yet.

I am yet to discover myself.

26 years, educational qualifications, a pretty job, an equally good life does not mean I know anything about myself.
Yes, its pretty scary.
No wonder am circling this terrace!

But hey, I do know one thing though… I am curious to learn. And, that will suffice for now.

I got a long way to go. One day, I’ll stop walking in circles.
I’ll be Home.
Amen to that.

A Blunder

I love watching the sit-coms in star world. Whether it’s in the genre of ‘The Simpsons’ and ‘My wife and kids, or the professional goof ups, angst, gaffes, relation-ships, comedy-of-life in ‘ 30 Rock’ and ‘Grey’s anatomy’.

Oh the saga of sit-coms , does not end here. The list is long but we’ll stick to these to be ‘in context’.

Whether its Homer Simpson and his endless faux pas, or Liz and her continual retreat from ‘herself’; aren’t they more or less a reflection of ourselves?

Society in the reel-world, look at such characters with either pity or sympathy, and most often than not, with disdain. Well, isn’t this a miniature replica of society in the real world?


Homer Simpson ‘ eats up his feelings’. I mean literally.
And am no different!
Succumbing to an extra plate of noodles in one of my low phases; the ‘strings of fried-flour’ might as well cover the hole in my soul.

Liz Lemon’s life revolves around the lives of her stick-in-the-ass boss, her neurotic best friend, the monkeyshines of Tracy-the TV star. In short, she was fixing everybody’s life but her own!
And here I am tearing off my hair in dilemma, embroiling myself in the lives and problems of others.

And the icing in the cake is that, watching these sit-coms is one of my great-escapes!

I am one heck of a Social Blunder :)

The Human Spirit

...She was of 20 years. She led a good life. A well-respected loving family, friends by the dozen, a college degree to pursue, a boy friend, a hundred and one million things to do; in short a picturesque lifestyle.
Hell broke lose one day, when an expression of her love and passion, had dire consequences. She found out she was three weeks pregnant. Outside wedlock, this is not the done thing.
Not just because society frowns upon it but she had her father’s reputation to protect.
He was an established preacher in the community.
Confining herself in solitude, she stopped attending classes, began gorging on books, and resorted to pills in-order to quiet the growing life inside her, until one day she was discovered.

The house had the aura of a funeral home. Quiet sobs, with an occasional wailing here and there filled up the rooms. A devastated family stood around, shocked, bewildered,
in-decisive about the next course of action. It’s a marvel how the undying human spirit shows up at such times. It guides us to pick up the broken pieces, patch them together and build an equally beautiful story of triumph.
She finally gave birth to a beautiful baby, walked down the isle with the child’s father, created a life for them as a family, working odd jobs; completed her degree, went on to attain her masters with honors. She is now in pursuit of a Phd in Education, while lecturing at a University, lovingly and selflessly putting her house in order—a handful 24/7 job needless to say, with two small kids and an equally busy husband.
____________________________________________________________________

..........She is now of 40 years, single and with job. The youngest daughter in a community that, apart from handing over the family legacy to the youngest daughter, also hands over the cloak of duty and responsibility of providing, protecting and caring for the parents, old and most likely worn out with the aches and pains of life.
She had (still does) a beauty and a charm about her and yes more than a handful suitors.
Yet, she chose not the path of a married life. None of her loved ones could understand the reason why. Maybe its because she never met the right man. But on after-thought, maybe its because she wanted to give her undivided love and attention to either her aged parents or her husband but not both.

Looking at her now, juggling between her work and her nursing duty at home brings up emotions mind you, not of sadness or sympathy, but awe!
Her home is the family home, where all gathered around for family meets or occasions.
Her ears are always ready to listen and make your burdens, seem lighter.
I have heard and seen frequent nights when she remained awake all night just to cater to the needs of her invalid parents. Yes, I have heard her quiet sobs of weariness but voila, the next minute her giving, loving, compassionate spirit is back!
I realized that if I was even half the woman, the human that she is, maybe my life would be more fulfilled..,I won’t have to be another Robert Miles who says he has miles to go before he sleep.

When two old friends meet...

Their story dated way back to the 90’s.
They started off with a bang in the last year of school.
They soon became inseparable while in college.

Through those early woman years, they dreamt together, shared, laughed and cried.
Through crushes and similar love interests, they revel.
Attending tuitions together, added the fizz in their academic pursuits.
In their clumsy grown up years, they tried to live ‘beyond their ages’ for each other; counseling, reprimanding, tried to give each other the wisdom that can only come with age. So in this endearing comedy of ‘being there for each other’, they flourished.

Two girls, both the youngest in their respective khasi*- families, fed with similar values and principles, schooled in the same institution, reservoirs of big dreams: one wanted to be a doctor , a good daughter and wife , while the other wanted to be an engineer, gain wealth, power and fame.

In their similar attributes they relish and in their differences, they grew in respect.


College years drew to a closed. It was time to go in pursuit of your dreams. While one went off to a different state to learn what it takes to become an engineer, the other stayed back in Shillong, hoping to get a foothold in the medical field.

They parted but of-course, never said good-bye. In course of time, the frequent letters became infrequent, till there were none. The holidays were re-union time-sharing, bonding, laughing on lost times. Soon changes in lifestyles, thinking, people, priorities, experiences, did not bring them together on holidays. It was such that, one was unaware of the other’s presence in the same city. None was to be blame. Time just had its cards to play.


But lo and behold, on one fine Friday noon, the 2nd of March, 2007…while she was passing through a busy shopping area in Shillong, she saw a pretty petite lady in jainsem.
‘Jenny!’ she shouted in pleasant disbelief.
Stunned, the petite lady shouted back ‘Yet, is it really you!’.
In seconds and in smiles, they were hugging each other.
It took less than a mili-second for that old feeling of warm, camaraderie, loving friendship to overwhelm them.

The more bubbly and vivacious of them both, Jenny was ecstatically shouting ‘We need to meet now! We have a lot of catching up to do. I have so much to tell you. Let’s have coffee somewhere. Yet, today, tonight, now…we need to talk’.

Bemused but wonderfully touched by Jenny’s warm and lovable nature (something Yet always cherishes about Jenny), Yet could not say no.

In a matter of 30 mins later, the two old friends met up at New Hope Centre restaurant.


Jenny, has come a long way. With honors in MSc, she is now a distinguished lecturer in Martin Luther’s University, Shillong. She is a gem of a lady, well-loved by many (especially counting by the line of suitors she has), a well-deserved princess in her family, highly responsible and dutiful. And oh yes, as lively and so ‘full of stories’ as ever.

The highly ambitious Yet, is in the rat race of climbing the corporate ladder, working in an American IT company. She is forever in the battle of trying to bring a balance between her professional duties and the call of duty at home- for her parents.

So it was inevitably that when the two old friends got together, they set the house on fire, in no time.

After 7 years of being in and out of touch with each other, they sure do have a lot to catch up on. Through two rounds of coffee, they went through the bits and pieces of each others work lives, family lives and of-course, their rollercoaster love lives.
They have been tried and tested in similar yet, unrelated ways. It amazes them that at 26, they were single, almost committed and still so confused.
They have not done so badly with their lives. They have worn the ‘mantel of responsibility’ for their parents and siblings with grace and élan. But they still marvel at the fact that even-though they are now well accomplished, financially independent and secured, they have still to find that ‘magic formula’(if there was any) to make the men in their lives as comfortable as they felt. As loving and giving as they both are, they felt bereft of the same.
Thus, they concluded that if you are a woman who is of 25 years, still not married or hitched, you will soon be at the crossroads of the most tumultuous, tear jerking, complex phase of your life; where even if you have carved a niche for yourself , you would still be left wondering, where the hell is your life heading!

The non-stop chattering, sobs, smiles, comforting words between two friends had to end, as the noon turned into night, and as the Shillong night air turned cooler. They hugged, provided each other with comforting words and advices, promised to be in touch with the exchange of email-ids and phone numbers, bid good-bye till…time favors their meeting again.

They parted as friends, as kindred-souls, as two girls each living a woman’s life….

Their innocence and sincerity is there for every living soul to see and feel.